Your Usual Response

I feel like these words were directly extracted from my brain… I first heard this driving home from the Grand Canyon on Thursday (I’ll write more on that later—I’m still trying to process the massiveness of the experience), and it really struck me how much I can relate to this song.

Jill Phillips- Your Usual Response

I don’t know why you made me the way you did
With a desire to connect then to sever the ties again
Looking through an eight foot tinted glass perimeter fence
It seems the grass is always greener

I can’t explain how weak my conviction is
How I can make up my mind but it won’t make a difference
It’s like I am allergic to solutions that would make any sense
Just a moth around a fire

But You’re reaching out your arms of forgiveness
Its your usual response I’m afraid
After all the things I’ve done you love me anyways

I can’t figure out how to make the distractions stop
So your whispers of truth won’t get lost in the chaos
My sense of self importance is inflated and its going to pop
Like a helium balloon

But You’re reaching out your arms of forgiveness
Its your usual response I’m afraid
After all the things I’ve done you love me anyways

I keep running away

But You’re reaching out your arms of forgiveness
Its your usual response I’m afraid
After all the things I’ve done you love me anyways

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Jill Phillips Your Usual Response Music Lyrics

Jay Gatsby’s American Dream

A week or so ago I finished reading The Great Gatsby, written by F. Scott Fitzgerald. The story is set in New York during the roaring twenties, an era of overindulgence, opulent parties galore, and the decay of both personal and societal morals.

Here’s a quick rundown of the story: Nick, the narrator/main character, finds himself “a cardboard bungalow”, as he calls it, right between two enormously decadent houses in West Egg, which represented the newly wealthy ordinary American who had recently experienced simultaneously both an increase in material fortune and a decline in their morals and standards. To the left of him lives Jay Gatsby, a fellow war veteran who mysteriously comes into existence and throws weekly parties of extravagant decadence. What I as the reader was left wondering, was Why?… Why was Gatsby so intent on spending exorbitant amounts on parties with the high society he honestly didn’t want too much to do with?

Here’s why, as I figured out later: He was stricken, smitten, with a love for Daisy Buchanan. Years earlier they had been in love, but Gatsby went to fight in a war and Daisy consequently couldn’t wait for him any longer. She married Tom Buchanan, and Gatsby returned home as an empty-hearted war veteran. In order to somehow take “fate” into his own hands, he began throwing weekly parties, hoping that Daisy would miraculously show up and be taken into Gatsby’s arms, and all would be right with the world. What a dream…

Gatsby, realizing Nick Carraway’s friendship with Daisy, befriends Nick in an attempt to get a chance at meeting Daisy again—which he does indeed accomplish. Like two lovesick birds, Daisy and Gatsby are reunited and magnetized to each other, both ignoring the fact that Daisy is already married to another man. Morals are brushed aside in the name of love.

I could talk at length about all the different motifs, themes, characters, et cetera that were in this story, but I’ll save that for my lit class next semester. Even still, I have a few things to say. After I had finished the story, I had thought to myself about just how ridiculous it was that America’s morals had essentially been tossed into the wind. Every character save Nick was so incredibly self-centered that each of their worlds came tumbling down. Self-centeredness leads to destruction of both individual lives and societal standards. James 3:16 says, “For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.”

James’s abhorrence of selfishness is very rightly justified—and this is a wonderful example of why. While it’s true that the American dream (and really the Western World’s dream in general) is to do whatever it takes to get whatever you want in order to be happy, this in no way makes the idea right and just. In fact, Christ teaches the exact opposite on several occasions, this one from Matthew 20:16, saying, “So the last will be first, and the first last”.

I felt convicted of my own selfishness while I read about the over-exaggerated attitudes and actions of this group of New Yorkers. Selfishness is what essentially led to Gatsby’s demise, and it can lead to the quelling of the Spirit in us if we are not careful.

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Bones

I love that music speaks in ways which cannot be accomplished just by speaking. Andy Gullahorn is one dude whose music and lyrics I always find myself relating to. This chorus from the song In My Bones really hit me today:

It’s the way You made me flesh and blood
Hollow bones to hold me up
Filled with marrow, no mistake
So when You speak, it resonates
And I feel it in my bones

I’ve felt at times that God simply tells me that He is here with me. It’s a feeling, jarring to the marrow of my bones.

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Lessons from a Cowboy Sheriff and his friends

Pixar has done it again—again. In a movie industry where it seems that sequels are very poorly made just for the sake of money, Pixar appears to have done something different.  Not only did they make an ridiculously good sequel the original Toy Story, but they made TWO, and I believe this one may be the best of the three episodes, because it got me thinking. 

But what can a bunch of old toys teach us about life? Obviously this movie hit on some things that most, if not all, of us can relate to, and to me specifically: friendship and change. I believe that Andy’s toys can teach us about the Christian life. I look at Woody and think that I too have a very close group of people who I share life with. Who hasn’t put themselves into Woody’s boots and said, “I’ve got a Buzz and a Bullseye, a Slinky-Dog and a Jessie”? It is with these people whom God has put into the toyboxes of our lives which help us get through those tough changes—whether they be life-altering decisions, temporary relocations, or even just little blips in a normal daily, weekly routine.

Personally I am not a fan of change; I’d be just fine with staying inside my comfortable bubble. But yet we were made for something much more than just staying inside our own toyboxes, otherwise what would we need God, and his provision through friendships, for? My life has seen its day-cares and trash heaps and attic boxes, and I’m sure there are more to come. But what I’ve realized is that because God provides strength and encouragement, most of the time through relationships, that I can step out into that darkness and conquer it.

I am more than grateful for the friends that I have been given

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God is…

I got back from a five-day-long mid-high camp called Camp Lone Tree today. The week was pretty awesome—I got to hang out with some really cool people who love Jesus, see kids experience and learn about that love, repel down a 120-foot rock face, and about a hundred other things. I’ll try to comment more on my thoughts about the camp in another post soon to come (hopefully).

Anyways, I’ve lately gotten into snagging RSS feeds from different bloggers so I can read them all in one place, one of them being a guy named Chris Tomlinson (check out his blog here). He has written a series of posts on writing as a ministry which first caught my attention, and his latest post, called “God Is…”, deals with a sort of creative writing exercise that draws the writer to meditate on the attributes of God. I thought it was pretty awesome because it caused me to actually stop and think for a minute just what my God is like (though words fall far short from justly describing him). Here’s the post:

God is…

…Sovereign, because all things hold together in Him.

…Foremost, because all things exist for Him.

…Supreme, because no gods or men compare to Him.

…Above all things, because nothing exists apart from Him.

…Majestic, because He reigns over all.

…Glorious, because He is eminently worth celebrating.

…Holy, because there is no impurity in Him.

…Merciful, because He delights to forgive.

…Just, because He esteems truth.

…Personal, because He lives in His redeemed.

…Infinite, because He cannot be contained.

…Love, because it is the essence of His nature to love.

…More than words can say.

Question:  Your turn.  God is…?

I have a few I’d like to add:

God is…

…Timeless, because He has no beginning and end.

…Truth, because He is the Word and the Word is truth.

…Pure, because sin cannot even exist in His presence.

…Jealous, because He does not tolerate devotion to or worship of anything less than Himself.

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On Reading and Remembering

I finished reading two books this week: The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway and Counterfeit Gods by Timothy Keller. Both were extraordinary books in their own respects because they caused me to think about my life—something not every book I have read has accomplished. If a book has the ability to provoke someone’s mind to think about his or her life, then to me it cannot be considered a wasted experience.

While I do want to write a separate post about what I actually think about each book, for now I just want to shed light on an idea about reading that resonates with me. My friend and fellow blogger Norm reposted a blog by C. J. Mahaney in which Mahaney talks of reading and usually feeling discouraged when his friends are able to remember every word of every book, and then the endnotes too! I get discouraged too, because sometimes after reading a book (or watching a movie), someone will ask me what it was about and my response is usually “…well…the main character/main idea was this and felt this way, and…I’m no good at summarizing books!” It’s a cop out answer, I know, and articulating is something I’m working to get better at doing. But even so, I felt hopeful after reading this quote from John Piper:

“What I have learned from about twenty-years of serious reading is this: It is sentences that change my life, not books. What changes my life is some new glimpse of truth, some powerful challenge, some resolution to a long-standing dilemma, and these usually come concentrated in a sentence or two. I do not remember 99% of what I read, but if the 1% of each book or article I do remember is a life-changing insight, then I don’t begrudge the 99%.”

I think I fall into this category of retaining and remembering only that 1%, but that 1% to me is worth the entire read.

(You can read Norm’s post here, which also has the link to Mahaney’s post).

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book reading Piper Mahaney

I versus me

I’ve been slowly reading through a book I found for sale at a Seminole County library called Alone With God: Devotions from Martin Luther. I understand the necessity (at least in my own life) of starting my day off with reading about God through books and scripture and reflecting on them.

The devotion I read today has to do with a foundational, basic idea of Christianity: John 3:3- Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God. I thought to myself “well I already know this because I’m already a Christian who has been born again.”

But Luther continues to convey another simple idea, yet one that I struggle with on a daily, maybe even hourly basis:

But I am not speaking of new particulars, laws, or works, because the Law already demands many more of these than you can obey or accomplish. Rather it is this that I teach: You must become completely different people. My doctrine is not about “Thou shalt” and “Thou shalt not,” but about “Being changed.” It means not that you do a new work, but that you first become new; not that you live differently, but that you be born differently (emphasis added).

Sometimes I forget that I am saved by Jesus in spite of myself, not because of myself, and consequently the emphasis becomes what I do rather that what has been done for me. In my mind I become the subject doing the action rather than the object receiving the action (sorry, I had to throw my grammar-nerdyness in). I realized, especially in the past few weeks, that I am relying on my own skills and adherence to the “Law” of a moral Christian life.

Yes, every Christian should strive to be as much like Jesus as possible, but when we put that ball into our own court of works instead of giving it up to God, we become reliant on ourselves—and that is dangerous.

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Martin Luther Christianity life

Rock of Ages

Yesterday I went up to the mountains near the Richter’s home. They’re not the biggest, tallest mountains, yet still very daunting when I stand at their base and look upward to the crest. Nevertheless, I hiked up with my cheap, nearly-gripless Target shoes and my pack on one shoulder, sometimes finding it hard to get a decent grip to continue upward.

I also got swarmed by these ridiculously loud little gnats which would whine and buzz right next to my ears whenever I would momentarily stop.

I thought of a solution: put my iPod earbuds in with music playing in order to drown out their gnatty whines. I selected Sandra McCracken’s The Builder and the Architect to accompany me on my short hike about the mountain. A few songs in came one titled “Rock of Ages”, and immediately I felt that these lyrics were more relevant to me than ever before. They go like this:

Rock of Ages, when the day seems long
From this labor and this heartache I have come
The skies will wear out, but You remain the same
Rock of Ages, I praise Your name.

Rock of Ages, You have brought me near
You have poured out Your life-blood, Your love, Your tears
To make this stone heart come alive again
Rock of Ages, forgive my sin

Rock of Ages, Rock of Ages
Bind your children til’ your kingdom comes
Rock of Ages, Your will be done

Rock of Ages, when in want or rest
My desperate need for such a Savior I confess
Pull these idols out from my heart embrace
Rock of Ages, I need Your grace

Rock of Ages, broken, scorned for me
Who am I that You would die to make me free?
To give me glory, You took the death and pain
Rock of Ages, my offering

Rock of Ages, “It is done,” You cried
The curtain’s torn and I see justice satisfied
Now write Your mercy here on my heart and hands
Rock of Ages, in faith I stand

Rock of Ages, my great hope secure
Your promise holds just like an anchor to my soul
Bind your children with cords of love and grace
Rock of Ages, we give You praise

I am pretty confident that the enormous rocks on these peaks have been here for millennia, and yet in comparison to our Rock of Ages (as Psalm 62 calls God), the enormity and permanence of these boulders is quickly dwarfed. Our extremely personal God is also the all-powerful, all-sustaining Rock that has been and will be throughout the ages.

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mountain Sandra McCracken music lyrics God Rock of Ages